For some reason, there aren't very many things I've done in life that I've regretted. There are a few things, however, that in hindsight weren't the smartest moves. That's why I present to you my three regrets in life (in no particular order).

1) Eating cow brains. No, really. With a spoon. Remarkably soft -- like pudding. The whole brain was there, passed around, and you just got to take however much you wanted. Needless to say, this was before the whole mad cow disease scare. What can I say -- I was young and foolish, it was an Armenian wedding, and I wanted to be able to say I had eaten cow brain. Now I wonder every so often if death is lying dormant in my skull.

2) Implying sexual promiscuity on an official application. It was meant as a joke and seemed funny at the time, but considering the fact that it was an application for advancement to candidacy within my undergrad university's school of theology, it probably still wasn't all that smart. The question was whether I had any kids. Answer: Not that I know of. Every one of my theology professors saw it, as I knew they would. What an idiot.

3) Joking about death with two newly-orphaned brothers. Yeah, I know. Again, what an idiot. Their mother died the night before (dad had died about a year ago) and my girlfriend (now wife), our friend, and I took them out to see a movie in order to take their minds of things. En route, I (honest to goodness thinking about two other people who had died recently and completely forgetting about the kids' mom) started talking about how everyone was "dropping like flies." After receiving the look of death from my girlfriend, I realized what I was doing and shut up for the rest of the evening. Perhaps the biggest faux pas I have ever committed in my life.

I do have a list of non-regrets, but I don't know if they balance out the three regrets listed above. Basically, the list consists of buying a Vanilla Ice ring tone and running naked down the middle of an entire fairway. There may be other things, but they don't come to mind right now. Oh yeah -- marriage. Would have sucked to forget that one on Valentine's Day.


big badda boom

Run! It's a...cartoon flipping me off? Apparently, Bostonians are a little skittish these days. Something like nine cities across the country had these little guys put up around town (see below), and Boston was the only one that was sure they were bombs. As if that wasn't enough, the Boston authorities are now pressing charges against the cartoon-ophiles who posted the placard things around town. You'd think the Boston authorities would realize they had overreacted when none of the other cities batted an eye and that Boston would instead just drop everything, laugh nervously, and back away. Apparently that's now how they roll in bean town.

My favorite part was the quote by the mayor or some such official, saying, this is serious -- these things would have been really destructive had they been explosive. Ya think? Puppies would be really destructive if they were explosive, but you don't see me ducking behind trees every time one walks by.

Behold, the end is near

conspircacy theory du jour

Is anyone else a little weirded out by everything going on in Venezuela? I've never observed the formation of a socialist dictatorship, that I can recall, but it sure is starting to look like that's what's going on down there. After taking over numerous private corporations and putting them under government control, Chavez has now convinced the national legislature to hand him sweeping lawmaking powers. Add the media and dissident censorship, and there's a real fun time brewing down there. I doubt it will have a huge affect on me in the states, but if I were Venezuelan I think I might start looking for the exit.

The conspiracy theory promised in the headline is this: when Castro dies, sorry ol' Raul, Cuba is going to Chavez. That's right, you heard it here first -- Castro, upon his death, is going to effectively turn control of Cuba over to Venezuela. I don't know if Cuba will be fully incorporated or if it will just become a protectorate, but that's what is going to happen. That way, Castro will be able to stick it to the US one more time, Cuba will be in the hands of a capable (by Castro standards) leader, and Chavez will be able to strengthen his hand in his attempt to assert himself as a Latin American answer to US power. This future transfer of power is why Cuban television has been showing Chavez and Castro together so much as Castro's health declines -- slowly, the Cuban people are being groomed to see Chavez as the natural, trusted, chosen successor.

Do I honestly believe it? No, not really. But you can bet your last peso I'll be putting that on my CIA intelligence analyst application should the prediction come true.

No, you the man!