an open letter to the patrons of the local chain coffee shop

Dear patrons,
Since my wife manages the store you go to, I hear a number of stories. Stories that have prompted me to write a letter with a few simple requests. I'll even number them, to keep it simple.

1. Please do not steal toys from the collection box for terminally ill children. I understand if you do not want to donate, but stealing toys from dying kids simply goes too far. Please try to refrain.

2. If you do indeed feel an irresistable urge to steal, I recommend not swiping something from the display shelf and then walking it directly to the cashier so as to get a refund on your "return". Seeing as how the display shelf is right in front of the cash register, you aren't being very sneaky.

3. Please wear pants when going through the drive-through.

4. Please do not pleasure your boyfriend while picking up your drink at the drive-through.

5. You are not entitled to a free drink just because someone scrawled a naughty word on the drive-through menu.

6. Please do not ask the baristas to wipe off the steam wand again so you can watch. That's just creepy.

7. They do not carry diet Pepsi. They will not carry diet Pepsi any time in the foreseeable future. Please stop getting angry when they do not have diet Pepsi. Traditionally, this is the same with all coffee shops.

8. If you are going to hit on my wife by asking her name and then saying it is "really, really, really sexy," make sure none of your wife's friends work at the same coffee shop.

There, I've said my piece. Please don't make me write another letter.



I officially have a job. For my next daring feat, I will attempt to pass the Air Force JAG medical examinations without discovering collapsing arches or some other odd disqualifying condition.

I don't have to actually commit until after I pass the bar, but it sure feels good to have my first choice available. And I thought it was hard to stay motivated this semester....