2.14.2007

20/20

For some reason, there aren't very many things I've done in life that I've regretted. There are a few things, however, that in hindsight weren't the smartest moves. That's why I present to you my three regrets in life (in no particular order).

1) Eating cow brains. No, really. With a spoon. Remarkably soft -- like pudding. The whole brain was there, passed around, and you just got to take however much you wanted. Needless to say, this was before the whole mad cow disease scare. What can I say -- I was young and foolish, it was an Armenian wedding, and I wanted to be able to say I had eaten cow brain. Now I wonder every so often if death is lying dormant in my skull.

2) Implying sexual promiscuity on an official application. It was meant as a joke and seemed funny at the time, but considering the fact that it was an application for advancement to candidacy within my undergrad university's school of theology, it probably still wasn't all that smart. The question was whether I had any kids. Answer: Not that I know of. Every one of my theology professors saw it, as I knew they would. What an idiot.

3) Joking about death with two newly-orphaned brothers. Yeah, I know. Again, what an idiot. Their mother died the night before (dad had died about a year ago) and my girlfriend (now wife), our friend, and I took them out to see a movie in order to take their minds of things. En route, I (honest to goodness thinking about two other people who had died recently and completely forgetting about the kids' mom) started talking about how everyone was "dropping like flies." After receiving the look of death from my girlfriend, I realized what I was doing and shut up for the rest of the evening. Perhaps the biggest faux pas I have ever committed in my life.


I do have a list of non-regrets, but I don't know if they balance out the three regrets listed above. Basically, the list consists of buying a Vanilla Ice ring tone and running naked down the middle of an entire fairway. There may be other things, but they don't come to mind right now. Oh yeah -- marriage. Would have sucked to forget that one on Valentine's Day.

6 Comments:

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Mark said...

I don't know which is worse, the cow brains or the idea of passing around a common bowl of cow brains...

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger T.M. said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger T.M. said...

Neither of those is the worst part. That would be the fact that it was brain singular, as in take the thing straight out of the skull and plop it on a plate.

"I'll have the frontal lobe, please."

 
At 6:48 PM, Blogger chelfea said...

Speaking of faux pas, did I once say right in front of you, "[blah blah blah,] and I HATE lawyers"?

My brain is convinced that I said it, but memory can't dredge up the evidence--or is unwilling to.

Regardless, my apologies.

 
At 7:50 PM, Blogger T.M. said...

I actually don't remember that, but thanks, thanks a lot. It sounds vaguely familiar, but that may just be the power of suggestion.

I do, however, remember your husband asking me why I wanted to work for Satan. I think I'll sue.

Here's the deal: I'll forgive you if you forgive me for the erratic mowing job I did on your lawn when I was visiting several months ago. I just got carried away with that push mower, it was so much fun. I was going to fix the lawn later, but then we had to leave all of a sudden. At any rate, my return apologies.

 
At 7:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you should seriously regret eating cow brains if you end up with the dreaded disease in 20 years. I'll come visit you and give you more cow brains while you're foaming at the mouth and tied to a tree.

As for the second one, don't regret that. It's funny.

 

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