no autographs, please

A friend of mine recently sent me a link for a Japanese condom commercial that he's in. Pretty cool, I say. I, unfortunately, am no celebrity. The closest I ever came was when my wife and I were featured in a documentary TV show while we were living in Thailand. One episode, no groupies, and no paycheck. My wife was asked to audition to be a V.J. for MTV Asia, but she didn't go. And that's it, really. I do, however, have brushes with celebrity that I will now seek to exploit as much as possible, like an American Idol contestant who was kicked off in the third round.

Ben Folds
This is my most recent brush with fame, and is in truth only a vicarious brush, since it was my wife who talked with him. Mr. Folds was recently in town for a concert when he walked into the large-corporate-coffee-shop-that-shall-remain-unnamed where my wife works. While ordering his drink, he asked my wife if she was going to the concert that evening, which should have perhaps tipped her off as to who he was. That, and the fact that his poster was in the window. She didn't quite put everything together until she asked what his name was, so she could put it on his cup. Ben. Oh. Gotcha. In all fairness, most of us aren't exactly on the lookout for Ben Folds sightings.

Some Random Thai Actors
My wife and I were were at the main Bangkok train station one day, getting ready to begin a 22-hour train ride to Malaysia. When we arrived, there was a big group of people surrounding a film crew and several Thais sitting in the middle of it all, on a couch, in front of a big screen TV. They were clearly clebrities, as evidenced by their enormous sunglasses and shaggy hair. The whole film crew bit clued me in as well. Long story short, one of the celebrities motioned for me to sit on the ground in front of the couch, so I did, just in time for the filming to begin. Upon returning from Malaysia, several kids at the school where I worked told me they had seen me on TV. I later saw the celebrities on commercials and such, but still have no idea who they actually were.

Jeb Bush
Ol' Jeb and I, we're like this (insert visualization of crossed fingers here). Not really, but I did shake his hand once. He was in town, doing a campaign speech for his brother.

Pauly Shore
I'm was walking with my family out of the airport in Maui, trailing behind a tall buxom blonde when I see a short curly-haired man running toward her. He shouts at her, spreads open his arms, and buries his face in her breasts (which was fairly easy to do, since they were at head level). I was trying to make sense of it all when it hit me -- this guy's Pauly Shore. Walking towards the baggage claim he walked up to my brother, who was carrying the bag with our boogie board, and asked, "hey kid, why's your bag erect?" Hearing only "erect" and seeing only a somewhat strange man following my brother, my mom quickly went into she-bear mode and wedged her way inbetween the two, driving Pauly off. However, he returned later as we were waiting for my dad to come around with the car and struck up another conversation. Extremely friendly. Somewhat weird, but extremely friendly.

Steven Spielberg
Not positive on this one, but pretty sure. I was with my family at a ice cream shop in Lincoln City, Oregon, and someone walked in looking just like him, wearing a hat and sunglasses. It felt like the entire place was trying to figure out if it was him or not, with no one brave enough to ask. I mumbled something about E.T. really sucking as he went by, but there was no reaction.

Frank Sinatra
Another vicarious brush with celebrity, but I had to tell the story because it's funny. My grandma, when she was much younger, saw Frank Sinatra and, wanting to meet him, pretended to be a reporter. She asked if she could have an interview, which he agreed to. I know she asked if he sang in the shower, but I can't for the life of me remember what his answer was.

There you go. Feel free to submit your own.

P.S. Just kidding with the whole E.T. bit.